February 16, 2019
Dear diary,
Mom has a new girl crush. Her name is Bad Janet. I don’t think it’s a real person. Something about a show “The Good Place.” But mom is embodying Bad Janet. By saying things like, “twerp, you wish!” and by ending sentences with, “wait, wait for it… “ and then pushing her butt out and making tooting noises. Daddy and Eli are distressed. They are saying that mommy is hurting their feelings. And that she is becoming a bully. But mommy looks like the cat who swallowed the canary. Big smile, inside and out. What do you do when the one thing that makes you happy and giggle, makes the others miserable. According to The Good Place, mom is up against an Utilitarian problem—the doctrine that says actions are right if they are useful or for the benefit of a majority. Poor mommy. She is against two people. I’m sure she will have to give up on air farts soon. But until that moment comes… toot away mommy!
Love, Bob
Diary of Bob the Axolotl 